valentines-day

It’s true that it takes some people a little longer to figure things out in life. As transparent as I can be, I too, fall in that category when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Let me explain.

I think it started when I turned 15. I had this vision in my mind of what my Valentine’s Day should be like. I would get flowers, candy, or balloons from a guy, who had an interest in me. I used to watch tv shows and gush over girls getting flowers and surprises. “I want that! Why can’t I have that?!” It would be the beginning of the Valentine’s Day sulk. February 14 would roll around and I would re-energize that vision in hopes that someone would fulfill it. Sadly enough, it continued to go downhill after that. Fast forward to now. I’m married and over the years, I found myself less irritated and more cynical about Valentine’s Day. So much to the point where I told my husband don’t even think about doing anything romantic or special on that day. Hmmph.

This past Friday I was sitting at my desk working, slowing getting into the sulk, and took a second to stop and ask myself what my problem was. No, really. I am 32 years old and I find myself getting in this mood. The first thing I think is “It’s such a cliche day. It’s lame! Why waste time celebrating it on this one day.” All the usual answers, right? Then it hit me. Like a ton of jagged bricks.

It’s about waiting & expectation.

Valentine’s Day is marketed to women to wait. Wait on a guy to buy you a bear or flowers or plan something special for you. That says you’re loved. That says you’re special. If you don’t get anything, welp…hey. You’re not. It’s forced. It feels robotic & it’s not reality. We live in a society that puts so much on waiting for someone to do something for you rather than teaching the importance of loving your own self & not waiting for someone to buy you things that a) don’t matter & b) doesn’t signify someone loving you in the first place. Valentine’s Day gives the other person power to dictate how much you’re appreciated and worth.

The vision I had all long is a false reality.

Now, before you self-righteous folks come and say “Oh, I knew that”, well, I didn’t. And I’m okay with admitting that. I’m relieved to know what the real root cause of my issue was and now I can move forward past this hump. Valentine’s Day is not evil, but Valentine’s Day and the acts during does not signify love. It doesn’t quantify your worth or how much you’re appreciated. This can be done on any given day.

My lesson: don’t wait on someone to appreciate the awesome woman you are. Don’t wait on having a date to enjoy a delicious meal and a glass of wine, if you so choose. Don’t wait to spoil yourself by surrounding yourself with flowers. Don’t fall prey to the vision you’ve had in mind. Create it for yourself and take care of yourself. You’re loved & you deserve it.

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