I wasn’t really sure if I was going to publish this post, but seeing how I’m constantly being asked the same intrusive to somewhat, downright nosy questions over and over, I thought I’d share these questions with you in hopes to boost the etiquette when it comes to interacting with a mama to be.
Before I step on my soapbox, keep in mind that this counts for complete strangers to simple acquaintances. If you have a friend who’s comfortable indulging such private details, by all means, go for it. This comes from the numerous questions I get and it’s from my experience. No two pregnant women are alike so what gets on my nerves may not bother another as much. But be forewarned anyway.
1. Did you plan to get pregnant?
Dear ma’am/Dear sir,
What?! This is really none of your business!!! Were you there? Does it matter? It’s even more intrusive to ask someone their due date and then count back nine months, as if you can detect the time of conception. Chances are you’re an idiot and won’t count correctly or figure that out.
A simple “Congratulations” will suffice.
2. Are you planning to breastfeed?
My goal is to fill the fridge with tons of solid food and let her fix herself a sandwich when she gets ready. Why is this any of your business?! Mothers already have enough to worry about and are made to feel she isn’t a woman if she doesn’t breastfeed. Casual conversations should not include what nipple cream I bought, nursing bras I plan on wearing or a detailed feeding plan for my child. Step away from the boob convos! Whether I choose the breast or formula, that’s for me to decide and you not to worry about.
Find something else to talk about.
3. Are you planning on having a natural birth?
My plan is to squat in a field biting on a leather strap. Why is this any of your business either? And if you’re asking if someone has come to the decision to have an unmedicated birth, which is the proper way to ask that question, that’s still none of your business, whatsoever!
Similar to #2, people try to judge others’ actions when it comes to choices a woman decides to make. I know what my husband and I have discussed and it’s not for you to know or to decide. And spare me of your auntie’s sister’s cousin’s best friend from the 3rd grade twice repeated of how she gave birth with no help. Good for her. That may not be me.
4. Do you want more kids?
I don’t know. I guess. Can I get past number one first?! Please stop asking and suggesting our child has a litter of playmates. Pregnancy and carrying a child period is hard work and a miracle. Mothers don’t need you adding any brothers and sisters to the mix.
I would say this goes for women who have only one child. Quit asking her. It may have been hard to conceive. She could have a medical issue that prohibits her. Maybe she’s just not “Fertile Myrtle”. Her child will not end up a socially inept being of life if they are only children.
5. Did you know _________ is bad for you while pregnant?
I don’t know how many times I’ve had someone who has never been pregnant or have had a child 40 years ago advise me that I can’t do something. There are so many limitations in pregnancy. There’s no need to point out anything or advise on something you have no clue about. Chances are they have already quizzed their physician who’s actually in the medical profession of the do’s and don’ts in pregnancy. Leave her alone.
Just in case you think I’m making this up, here’s another list of things I highly recommend.
Amen!!!