From time to time, I get in these spells where I slow down a bit and take inventory of the collective state of momming. You know, like what are the sentiments and how are we REALLY doing out there. Because truth be told, we are all just figuring out this thing called life and raising these kids on the clock, so the collective of honest moms can agree that some days we don’t have a clue what we’re doing.
Anyway, I enjoy an occasional rant or reel dedicated to relatable parenting humor (this one is SOOOO relatable and funny). It makes me laugh, or it reminds me of the crazy being a mother can entail. However, I was taking a scroll break the other day on Instagram, and this reel by Alexis Christiana stopped me DEAD in my tracks.
I resonated with everything she rattled off. Every one of them.
The annoying part about social media is that everyone believes they have access to comment on your life. When it comes to motherhood, however, the narrative is judgmental, unrealistic, and just plain mean.
Examples:
Reminding a frustrated mama that “the days are long, but the years are short!”
You’re questioned to death about your choices in how you feed/raise/nurture/disciple your child(ren).
Breastfeeding and the choice to do it (or not) – I could write a dissertation about this one.
Being told “You don’t need a break! You chose to have these kids.”
“Screen time? Such lazy parenting!”
Judged because your kids aren’t signed up for 90 activities plus summer camps
While it is true that the days are long and the years are short, but where does it say you have to love every aspect of motherhood? Let alone ANYTHING?! Moms have so many responsibilities, and in a frustrated moment, instead of allowing her to process, feel, and get it off her chest, we’re ridiculed for even having feelings that are less than stellar.
Let’s just cut to the chase: MOMS ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL HOW WE FEEL. It’s a both/and situation. You can live in the AND!
No one is going to 100% love every aspect of something in life. So, when it comes to motherhood, it just baffles my mind that moms today are expected to function with these robotic standards that we will never reach.
Which brings me to this: I’ve decided to reimagine this motherhood thing and what it looks like for me.
That’s right – I’m building a blueprint of what the most amazing motherhood experience looks like on my terms because it doesn’t require the standards set by human opinions. If I don’t set the standard, then I’ll just follow what everyone else is doing. I’ve decided to parent with the Holy Spirit, my husband, and the village we have chosen to build around our family.
I’ve let go of this false narrative that I must be this perfect mother who does everything right, makes organic foods from scratch, stays hot, keeps my hair done, shaves, and has all the answers when it comes to parenting. I’m leaning into the fact that I don’t know it all. I don’t have the answers at times. I only have two hands and can only be where my feet are. I lead with love and empathy, and yet I can still discipline in a firm way that rears my children in the way they should go.
Reimagining motherhood means throwing away the “standards”, “ideologies”, and “should haves” and building a legacy and blueprint that doesn’t include the opinions of others or society.
“I refuse to be a martyr to an antiquated idea of motherhood.”
-Robin Arzon, Vice President of Fitness Programming and Head Instructor at Peloton
Some of this may look like:
-Understanding that I am limited in capacity and it’s not a weakness to ask for help or to hire outside help.
-Understanding that I am a better mother when I am rested. I want my children to see me operate from a place of rest, not irritation. Self-awareness and being intentional and ensuring I get my rest is my job. When I do my job, I can mom in a much better way.
-Understanding that I am not momming for the approval of others for optics. I have been tasked to steward and help raise the next generation of women who will go on to make an impact in every sphere of influence they are called to. This means I don’t have time to check off the list of impossible standards that society has set for mothers that we’ll never reach anyway. This list is exhaustive and doesn’t fit the needs of how you show up as a mother for your children.
-Understanding that being a mom is just one aspect of who I am. My entire identity is not wrapped up in just one thing.
So listen, I move in love and joy. I refuse to let one of the most amazing assignments of my life get bogged down by what other people say or expect me to do.
I’m momming on my terms!
