Since the year I got married, my schedule continues to fill up with invites to weddings like no other. In my wedding year alone, I was invited to 7 weddings, not including my very own. I just attended 3 weddings in September. To add to that, I began working as a Brand Ambassador and photographer this year for Made You Look Photography, Atlanta’s premier wedding photographers here in Atlanta this year, so I have had my fair share of the entire wedding experience from every angle.
One of the things that I like to focus on at weddings is the interaction the bridesmaids have with the bride on her day. Their body language, their facial expressions, etc. Usually for a groom and his groomsmen, they are usually super laid back. Give them a wing platter, a few beers and the game on and they are having a great time. For the bride and her bridesmaids, this is usually a hit or miss.
As the first time as a bridesmaid myself this year, I had the chance to really get hands-on with ensuring I went above and beyond what was asked. However over time, I’ve witnessed a consistent number of weddings where the support system for the bride falls flat quicker than humidity on freshly pressed hair.
As a person who has been the bride, bridesmaid, photographer, tissue holder, shoulder to cry on and everything else that comes with a wedding, I’m going to provide you some highly insightful, yet stern advice on what you should be doing when you’ve been chosen as a bridesmaid. It’s an honor to be chosen and it’s a big job to handle.
Let me warn you now: some of the advice is just “real talk.” Don’t be offended.
First things first: Change your mindset. It’s not your day.
It’s true you’ve been chosen for one reason or another to serve in the capacity of standing behind the bride as a witness as she “leaves to cleave” because you all have a relationship.
Regardless of the colors she chooses, those ugly dresses that looks like Belle wore in Beauty & the Beast, the too-tight shoes, the ringlet curls she wants you to wear, what kind of makeup she wants you to wear, whether or not you don’t have a date/boyfriend, whether or not you haven’t lost weight, It. Is. Not. Your. Day. Period! It’s great to collaborate with the bride, if you’re consistently helping throughout the planning process, but constantly throwing a fit about every decision the bride makes to benefit your life shows your true selfish self. It’s her day. When you get your own (man, ring, wedding day, etc.), you can choose things however you’d like.
No one cares about your personal boy troubles. No, really.
Check this out: the wedding is not the time to think or talk about your own failed/failing/on the way to failing relationship or lack thereof. Sounds harsh, but this is not the time to remind yourself that you hate all guys and you will never love again. This is not the time to think about your breakup. Leave your personal matters at home. Your bride needs you there focusing on her and supporting her.
A little service, please.
When you’re asked to be a bridesmaid, you’re really being asked to serve. Yes – serve! You’re more than the dress fluffer and flower holder. Look for ways to help the bride before, during and even after the wedding. There are always things to be done! A bride may never tell you, but you can rest assure that on the wedding day, there are tons of errands that need handling and the bride has no way of getting to them. Jump in and help out.
Hold the lip gloss during the ceremony to make sure she always has on a fresh coat throughout the day. Keep tissues nearby if she’s a crier. Hold up her dress so she doesn’t have to drag it by herself. Help curl her hair if it falls flat. Put the bride’s needs before your own. Remember: service! This is not the time to envy her while you sit in the back and wait for your turn to walk in then toss back a few at the reception. Be proactive and make her feel like a queen. She will surely appreciate it and it’s only for a few hours of your life.
The cocktail hour is not your chill hour.
I’m aware that the maid of honor has an even bigger job to make sure she’s with the bride, but your job as a bridesmaid is to follow suit. Downtime is not the time to go in the crowd and socialize with your friends. There’s a time and a place for you to do so. Until then, you’re working.
Stop complaining! Sheesh…
I’ve experienced way too many instances where the bridesmaids have complained like a pack of itching hens about what they don’t like on the bride’s day. “My feet hurt”, “It’s hot”, “I’m tired”, “and Can I sit down?” I truly cannot understand how anyone can call themselves a true friend or say they love the bride while they are constantly complaining. To be frank: being a bride is beautiful, but it’s exhausting. The last thing the bride wants to hear is you complaining when she’s just as hot and tired. News flash: they came to see the bride anyway.
Check yourself. Maybe you’re not cut out for this.
Okay, maybe that sounds harsh, but honestly, being a bridesmaid is truly a selfless duty. If you feel that you have too much going on in life to truly be 100% committed to helping out, make that known early in the process. Save the bride and yourself some heartache. Better than losing a friend altogether.
Main Image Source | Images via Tumblr & We Heart It
Ha! I love it!