Ok, the truth:
Dare I say, “freedom!” Absolute freedom. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief now that you know. I’ve been holding in this secret for what seems like an eternity. I’ve been a ball of excited emotions, ready to share with the world at one minute, all to chicken out the next. If you truly know me, you know I’m not an oversharer of every waking detail of my life. I’m an open book, yet private.
I’ve been so self-conscience these last few weeks. Jeans refuse to button, a cropped anything looks ridiculous and things that are stretchy are my friend. Tuh! This change moves fast!
I’m constantly checking my app to see what my body is doing that particular week. Breakouts, greasiness, gas…okay you get it. I would tailor my outings to what seemed consistent. It seemed like every day someone was announcing their pregnancy or having a baby. I would get anxious thinking if I simply “Liked” a picture, people would catch on. I didn’t know if I gave off a look of pregnancy if I blinked the wrong way. I started sweating if someone asked why I wasn’t having a cocktail or a glass of Cabernet. “Can’t a girl refuse a glass of champagne at this celebration for once?” Yeah, I didn’t believe myself either, but saying I was on a 3 month detox was convincing enough. Ha! And let’s not talk about the fatigue. My poor blog has taken a major beating, and of course I knew I would have some explaining to do sooner than later. All of this has been maddening! I finally feel like I can let my hair down, let my skinny jeans unbutton with dignity and let my stomach loose. Not that it mattered anyway. I can’t hold it in anyway.
At first I couldn’t believe it myself, but then I heard and saw that strong, beautiful heartbeat and I melted. This is amazing! Really?! There’s a life in there and it’s squirmy and moving! This is life! This is love. No career move or accomplishment could ever take the place of this. God is truly awesome! And out of all of the times I’ve tried to run away from this moment in time on the basis of fear, anxiety and “OMG the world can’t handle a mini-me” rant, I find that I have been more calm than stressed out as I thought I would be.
So after being picked and probed by needles and my doctor and falling ill for a few days, I’m finally ready to officially share with the world that I am going to be a Mommy!
::Takes a minute to re-read that last line::
This experience thus far has been more than I ever could have imagined. I’ve never been more amazed, excited, and thrilled at this time in my life and to have a husband that is just as excited, family & friends for their love and unconditional support, and a tummy that’s starting to grow makes it all worthwhile.
Thanks to all of you that have followed me on my journey as a Bride to Be, to Wife, to now a Mommy to Be. Things will still be interesting and of course, fashionable around here. We’re just adding little more fabulousness to the mix. 😉