As Cupid swoops in to remind some of us just how lonely we are or how good it feels to be loved exclusively, I am here to share with you three things Cupid doesn’t tell you about self -love. All too often, society will influence you to believe that love is something to be chased or captured from another person. Cupid will have you thinking love is magical, and it shows up out of nowhere, ready and willing. Here’s what’s missing… the love you have for yourself, will open the doors to every type of love you have ever wanted. Now, he ain’t saying that, is he? Self-love is not a one size fits all philosophy. Depending on where you are on your own personal journey of growth, you may define it across many levels. Here are three things that will help you build your self-love muscles!

1. Practice your yes’ and no’s
Did you know that exercising your right to say yes and no will help sharpen your self-love abilities? When things don’t agree with what your want or where you are going, say a firm NO!. When things are right and they are honoring the light within you say YAAAAAAS! You see, we are too passive with our No’s. In most cases, when a guy says his truth or runs his game, we often argue it, deny it, try to change it, or just plain ole’ pretend to be “cool” with it. The error in this, is that if you truly don’t agree with the words that are coming out of his mouth, say NO. If you want to be nice, say NO, THANK YOU, lol. The point is, you don’t have to take what is being offered if it does not align with who you are. That is the number one rule in the game of self-love. You must never self sacrifice yourself, for the acceptance of someone else or out of fear of being alone. For example, the first time a guy was out of line with me, and let’s just say he cheated or stated he wasn’t looking for a relationship, and I for lack of self worth accepted it and stayed in the “situation-ship”. Now what if… just what if…I actually just said NO. What if I actually said, “No, that actually doesn’t work for me because I am looking for a commitment with a mutual partner and anything less than that is not for me. WOW! Do you see how that sounds? Do you see how POWERFUL that is? That my friend is the very essence of self-Love.

2. Be honest with yourself and others
Yes, self -love is all about HONESTY. Most importantly, honesty and, integrity with yourself. When you go out on a date or are in a relationship, it is important to lay out on the table exactly what your expectations, desires and, needs are. We have been taught as women to “Play cool” “Don’t run him away” “Don’t say all of how your feel or what you want”. Boy, boy, boy…. I told you this self-love thing wouldn’t be easy. So here’s the thing, SAY IT. Tell him that you are looking to be in a committed relationship. Share with him you want kids. Tell him you are not having sex before marriage. Be real. If he walks, that’s a WIN for you! Do you see what I mean? Self- Love does not bargain, does not hide, does not pretend. It sits, perched, with moisturized skin, and a sick red lip and TELLS THE TRUTH.

3. Do your inner work
Cupid doesn’t tell us to do our inner work to attract the love we long for! Dive into yourself and discover if there is anything from your childhood or past that has been weighing you down? Do you feel unpretty? Are you unhappy with your life in general? (i.e career, finances, weight, etc.). Figure it out. One of the misconceptions is that self care and self indulgence is parallel to self love. The truth is self care and self indulgence are just branches on the tree of self- love. Self – love is a journey that may sometimes need to go backwards to understand our patterns of destruction and why. From there, those old experiences help to heal the present you, so that you can move forward in abundance, peace, and FEMININE POWER.

So don’t feel sorry for yourself, as you see couples out and about, or those roses being delivered, or the thousands of social media posts, about engagements, and Valentine’s plans. Instead LEAN IN. Plan a day at the gym , plan a staycation or, enjoy a brunch date with yourself. Have fun with it! There are a million things you can plan for yourself. You can do this! Spend this valentine’s day with yourself and plan the perfect day of pampering and/or activities. Ask yourself tough questions and make a plan to start your self- love journey today. Besides, YOU are the only one that has to deal with YOU, so roll up those sleeves, and let’s do this Queen!


Antres Finnie
Creator of
Follow me on Instagram @TheRobotRebel

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